First Days

First days of skiing!  You can’t beat a small crowd, sunshine and powder. Great ending to the Thanksgiving holiday. And…. The Vikings won!  It just doesn’t get better.

Survival Instinct (part 2)

Sometimes individuals just do stupid things.  Snowmen are no different.  They can have low levels of survival instinct just like humans.  Sometimes they spend hours at a time sunning themselves, standing right out in the open of a front yard.  The sun beating down on them.  Every minute melting away the layers of their exterior. Sometimes they just hang out in places that are hazardous to their survival.  Don’t ask me why but they seem to insist that they can conquer obstacles such as large pinecones dropping on them or trees shedding their massive amounts of snow right down on their heads.  Sometimes they just have to claim the road.

Coincidence?

Sometimes strange things just happen and you wonder what the meaning is.  After my MRI, the search for the proverbial needle in the haystack lesion, I had treated myself to a cut and color with my hairstylist.  She is personal friend of mine and the wife of a coworker.  The two of us were alone late in her shop which sits on a quiet old fashioned street.  We were chatting away about everything and nothing waiting for my husband to meet me there, when in walked a short dark middle aged Hispanic gentleman wearing a black knit cap, a jacket and sweat pants.  In a jovial voice he announced, “I want you to make me look like George Clooney!”  I just busted up laughing and said something like, “I wanted to look like Sophia Loren, but that aint happening and your shit out of luck.”  He then remarked how he would settle for looking like Johnny Depp as he took his stocking cap off revealing a bald head with a ring of hair around the base.  I just died laughing and told him he needed to accept that Johnny probably wasn’t going to be possible either.  My girlfriend/hairstylist started in on the poor guy too and we were all laughing. 

After a few minutes he glided out of the salon almost as quickly as he entered. After a couple minutes of verbal exchange we both realized neither one of us knew the guy who had walked in and out of the salon so swiftly.  I had thought he was her next client and bantered with him as many of her clients often do to each other.  She had thought all along he was my husband.  It was pretty shocking to each of us to realize neither knew him.  A few minutes later in walks my husband, ironically also wearing a black stocking cap. 

I bring this story up because on today of all days in a split second in walks a seemingly ordinary man who oddly fits right in to the scene and happens to mention two male actors I happen to like, he then splits as fast as he came.  I am left wondering if he was real.  I don’t believe in coincidence. There is no such thing as coincidence.  Life is not that disorganized.  Reincarnation, Karma, God or whatever you want to call it obviates coincidence.  When I think back on all the odd things of my life and those around me, anything I brushed off as coincidence in the past later came back as obvious signs that there is a master plan. I wonder who/what he was and what it means.

Answers

Going for my 5^th MRI, this is old.  I understand that I don’t fit their neat box but a year of testing is insane.  I’ve had Dr.’s tell me I don’t have enough lesions, others tell me the lesions aren’t in the “right” places. I don’t really care; I still feel like crap and want solutions.  A year of battling lightheadedness, tingling, memory issues, wobbly gate, sudden onset extreme pain and itches that feel like something eating me is enough.  I just want answers.  I have never been a medical attention seeker. I am the daughter of a doctor and niece of a doctor and was brought up not to bother them unless dying (just and extreme description but you get the point). If this is Multiple Sclerosis I want to know how to deal with it while on a month long backpack trip on the John Muir Trail. Do meds have to be refrigerated?  Will they keep in summer temps in my pack?  Should I be seeking someone with a medical background to go with me other than my husband who may not be able to do the whole thing since I want to take a month do to it?  If it’s not MS, then what the heck is up?

Snow Gods

The people with low survival instinct will soon be headed to our area in droves.  They come to pay homage to the snow god.  They will glide up and down on the ground in the hopes the god will notice them and that they will take a part of it with them when they leave.  Some of them will leave parts of themselves on the snow god. 

They will forget their chains, or never have tested the ones they purchased to see if they fit. They will drive way too fast for their driving abilities and the conditions and they will spin and crash and get stuck. They will travel roads they have never been on and not think twice of how much gas they have remaining in their vehicles.   All this makes for great entertainment up here.  We don’t need movie theatres for drama, we have it live. 

First Snow

First snow today!  Welcome the change in season. 

Resort to Skiing

Its been snowing just above our house! When a ski resort changes ownership, changes its name and changes the things we ski bums have come to accept as normal and it can be disquieting. The resort near our home did this very thing and I tell you from experience it’s much like going through a divorce. One is left wondering what will be normal, what will it feel like, and where will I go if it is uncomfortable? There are many people in my community who have been skiing this same small resort most of their lives, and during that time it has remained much as it was 20-40 years ago, very small and personable. I’ve skied the whole thing in a day. We don’t do the fur coat thing, we don’t march around showing off the latest gear, each out doing the other in expenditures. We go to have a good time and meet up with friends. Lunch is a pot of fondue on the deck. We’ve been sitting in the same spot for years with our pot of fondue for whoever happens to join us, including staff members. I’ve heard they have made changes in operations and where things are configured. I hope the deck is still there. 

Changing Trails

Sometimes the wizard doesn’t have any answers.  I’m getting used to this.  And so we order yet another MRI for another part of the body in the hope of finding a needle in the haystack, another lesion; this one possibly residing in my spine.  Apparently if it’s there it will explain my symptoms.  I find myself praying it will show itself so I can move forward. It feels like I’ve been going round and round for the last year on a trail that’s just a loop.  I’m ready to find the fork in the trail.  Sometimes you just have to take another path. Speaking of trails, its supposed to snow at our elevation this weekend.  If I can get my back to feel better a couple hours of cross country skiing would be a great thing.

Long Journey

I’m off to see the Wizard.  Does he have answers to my demyelization and weird symptoms or not is the looming question. I feel like a patient on the FOX program House.  For the last five days I’ve been totally bedridden with severe sudden onset back pain which  I’m praying isn’t the beginning of a new symptom like the sudden onset foot pain and sudden onset hand pain which much like my back came about out of the blue, one second it wasn’t there and the next it was. No injury or event preceding the pain and lasting 5 to 6 months before disappearing almost as suddenly as it came on.  I have adapted to joints which are almost non-functional but I can’t do back pain like this for a half a year or until it decides to go away.  I now have a four hour drive ahead of me to the UCSF Multiple Sclerosis Center in the hopes of getting some answers. I’m ok with whatever this is, I just need to know WHAT it is so I can adapt.

Practicing

My John Muir Trail challenge is not determination, got plenty of that.  It won’t be altitude sickness, never had that, maybe because I was born in Switzerland, lived in the Rockies, Alaska and now at altitude in the Sierra Nevada range.  My challenge is going to be health.   I’ve been battling and unknown illness for the last year.  Sometimes I feel like a patient on the network show House.   I have days that I can’t walk a straight line if my life depended on it and that’s before any alcohol.  I wobble, have memory issues, tingle, and have severe itches on one arm.  I feel like my upper torso is being compressed.  Then there are the days when most of these symptoms are non-existent, they are few and far between but they do occur.  One would think this would be easy to diagnose but it’s been a year of nearly weekly Dr. visits and specialists and lots of positive and false positive tests and still nothing concrete.  I have accepted that Doctors really do have a license to “practice” that’s truly what it is.  I’m practicing too, practicing keeping a good attitude, practicing adapting to a debilitating illness and practicing keeping most of this hidden from my coworkers.  So far so good.

A Question of Sanity

My husband thinks I’m nuts and maybe I am. I am demyelinating so I have a great excuse, although I have never heard of demyelination causing mental illness. I want to hike the John Muir Trail this summer, all 220 miles of it (Yosemite to Mt. Whitney). I’ve done many extended backpack trips including a 2 week 14er trip in the Rockies and many 3-5 day trips, so what’s the big deal? I’ve got several months of vacation time saved up its time to start using it. I’ve thought this out and if I don’t do it now it won’t happen later. I have reached the point in my life where I recognize putting things off just means they usually don’t happen.
We did a 3 days section of this trip last summer and I’ve done two other sections over the last few years when climbing half dome and Mt. Whitney. The section we did last summer was an eye opener. It was a section not done by those who want to get to a destination like half dome or Whitney. Because of this, most of the people on this section of trail were through hikers doing the JMT . The people we met and stories could fill a book. It was awesome…. Almost as awesome as the views. The hike itself is a lure and the people who choose to do it are equally interesting.

Canadian Bacon - The Other Vegetable

I am again reminded of why I don’t do fast food joints.  I don’t know what happened to our population but we haven’t progressed in our ability to reason.  A year ago I had the wonderful experience of going through a drive through on my way to work, having been unable to prepare a breakfast.  I’ve been vegetarian most of my life and the last time I checked Canadian bacon was still a meat. It could have changed though and I may have been not paying attention when it did.  It’s entirely possible.  I’m demyelinating so anything is possible. 

After waiting for five cars to pull through and order, I arrived at the microphone and indicate that I want a Number One with no meat.  Pretty simple, it would end up being eggs and cheese on bread.  The young man, I’m assuming here due to the sound of the voice coming through the speaker, proceeds to ask, “Will that be with Canadian Bacon?”  I’m dumbfounded.  After a second I surmise he must have misunderstood or not heard correctly.  I repeat, “A Number One  without the meat.” There is a long pause. I’m left wondering if there is anyone on the other end of this contraption.  He comes back on….”Ok, a Number One and you want bacon.”  Ok, so now I am really wondering if things have changed while I slept. 

At this point I advised this poor fellow that Canadian bacon was a meat, Canadian bacon is definitely not a vegetable and that I want it left off my breakfast. 

Needless to say, I pulled up to pay and collect my food from this guy (who I should note happened to be the Assistant Manager) and what do I find in the bag?  A slab of Canadian bacon wedged between two pieces of bread……..… and that’s it. 

Well it happened again today!  This is a year later. At least this time I got the cheese and egg with my OTHER vegetable (Canadian bacon).  The human race has not improved much. 

Let it Snow!

Ski season is just around the corner!  The resort can’t open fast enough.  The wonderful thing about being able to ski is it’s a skill that could actually save your life … much like swimming.  If you live in snow country it’s a way to get around if the car/truck can’t.  Transportation by human power. 

The Changing of the Clocks

Can someone please tell the animals its daylight savings time!  Awake since 3:30 am.   First the dog starts pacing around, expecting to be fed, and then the cat climbs on the bed. There is nothing like awakening to a 20 pound cat sitting on your chest.  Ahhhh…. cat breath first thing in the morning.  Oh, that’s right it’s not morning yet…..its 3:30 a.m. and no one has bothered to tell the animals that we humans have devised this wonderful system of changing the clocks back.  I wanted my extra hour of sleep.   Instead I wake to my 20-pound cat on my chest him lightly nibbling on my nose, just in case I happened to miss his fury body on top of me.  He is very subtle. 

Perseverence

Sunday was a great day!  Husband won a turkey and only paid $20 in tickets to do it. Got to love it.  The Vikings won in OT and reminded me of the team I totally fell in love with last year.  They came together and played with everything they had.   Injuries aside they persevered. Harvin was out there barely able to walk with a sprained ankle but you couldn’t tell by the way he played. Favre with all his injuries and yet he keeps going, got to respect that.  I love the resiliency of people. Then you have the Chilean Miner, Edison Pena.  That guy has it.  He has the survival instinct.  Not only did he spend 69 days in a hole, probably questioning whether he would ever come out but he persevered to run the New York Marathon…..and finished!  That guy is my hero.  He is quoted as saying, “It was worthwhile for me to come this far to run a marathon, because I want to motivate people," I want to convince them that they can do what they set out to do in life. In this marathon I struggled. I struggled with myself, I struggled with my own pain, but I made it to the finish line. I want to motivate other people to also find the courage and strength to transcend their own pain."  That says it all.  He is now on my Hero list.  I’m motivated.

Turkeys

Headed to our annual Turkey Shoot.  We don’t actually kill turkeys, they’re dead already.  What’s the fun in that you ask?  Well half our community comes out for it every year.  You get to shoot targets against your neighbor and possibly win a frozen turkey.  It’s all in good fun for those that like turkey, want to chat with neighbors and possibly shoot better than them, show off new guns, or old ones, and make money for the Lions Club. 

Me, I’ve been to many of these and today I’m going to pass while JT tries to win Thanksgiving dinner for us.  My plan for today is to hang out with my girlfriend, the hostess of this event, and her 100 year old grandmother and watch the Vikings/Cardinals.  I haven’t missed a Vikings game in last 2 seasons and don’t plan on it today even if there is cannon fire in the background. 

Going to India

Why can’t we get an accounting of the money to be spent on Obama’s trip to India?  What happened to disclosure?  Isn’t this your hard earned tax money being spent?  I know it’s mine and I want to see where it’s going.  If the republicans have it wrong and it’s not $200 million a day, then produce the figure and get on with it.  Americans have been too complacent in the past and have just accepted what’s put forward, it’s easy.  Frankly, I’m tired of it.

The Criminal Mind

Criminals are not the brightest humans.  I have to think their instinct to survive is on the lower end of low.  I have to think there are a few brain cells missing or at least damaged.  I have a few that are damaged but that’s not my fault… I’m demyelinating.  These people are always shocked when they land themselves in jail and almost always look to someone else to get them out of the mess they got themselves into.

I spent over an hour listening to jail phone calls a rather good looking young man made to his equally young good looking girlfriend whom he beat to a pulp.  Over 10 calls out of over 20 he made in a short period while waiting to be assigned a cell.  Each call pleading and repetitively reminding her that she held the cards to his freedom, his job, his career hopes, his very life.  It was sick.  Over and over and over telling her how his incarceration was her fault, her responsibility to fix.  He even provided the solution… tell officials a new story of how she obtained her injuries and don’t come to court.  When this didn’t work he invoked god, possible marriage and kids and sweet talk.   I guess he just didn’t get that he is in charge of his survival, it’s simple…..don’t cause pain to others and you don’t go to jail.  He viewed that his survival was in her hands much like her survival was in his when he was inflicting blows.  Dumb guy.  He went into jail with one charge and added over 10 more while sitting in booking.  NO survival instinct!

11/3/10

Wow what an interesting midterm election!  In over 20 years I haven’t had to wait in line to vote.  In the small rural community I live in going to the polling place is a social event, a chance to run into a neighbor and chat.  It’s the same for yard sales, but that’s another story.  Despite this I have never stood in a single line ….until yesterday.  45 minutes!  I’m impressed.  Apparently it was like that all day.  I have no idea where these people came from but I’m proud of them.  These are the people who WANT to survive and they want to make a difference.  In my county two people stepped up the plate and made the decision to enter into the political realm.  Neither ever held office of ANY kind. Both are small business owners and they both WON over the incumbent career politician in major state seats.   You can’t get better than that.  If that isn’t an in-your-face statement I don’t know what is.  These people are truly what this country was, is and should be.