On Cats and Trees

Why is it cats won’t learn from their past mistakes?  I don’t get it.  Jack’s done it again, gotten himself stuck in a tree.  He does this about every 8 months like clockwork.  He has spent 2-3 days stuck in trees through snow storms and rain storms and blazing heat in the summer.  Once up there he just can’t figure out how to get down.  He doesn’t pick particularly difficult trees to descend but still gets stuck.  We have climbed trees using ladders, rock climbing gear and just brute strength.  We have had him fall out of them with exhaustion and injure himself afterwards.  This time he selected a  reasonable tree which normally if he had picked one like it anywhere else we would have just gotten a tall ladder and retrieved him. NO, this time he selected the one tree that has lots of branches….but it happens to be planted just above a 30 foot straight drop off a cliff.  No way were we taking any chances falling down that while on the ladder.  He’s nuts.    This is a cat, who aside from his tree problem, has gotten trapped in the neighbors have a heart trap for raccoons, for three days through a rain storm.  He has also taken a ride in our dryer….and lived.  The person who said that cats have 9 lives was wrong.   They are immortal.  Well at least this one is.   His survival instinct is not the greatest but his will to survive is.  I’ve coaxed him down with fish…. By the way that works the best, especially if the neighbor’s cat appears from behind a bush to claim this treasure before he gets down.  Competition really sparks motivation ...even in felines.

Aliens Among Us

The Aliens are confirmed to be here. In my backyard (figuratively).  I have always thought they were here but now it’s confirmed. 

I have always thought they have substituted normal, reasonably intelligent humans with their own less developed and more primitive life forms. I see them every day, you do too. Drive on any freeway and they can be spotted within minutes.  They drive cars that look just like yours and mine but they do it differently.  It’s because they haven’t figured out that they are supposed to focus on the road, no one has told them.  I see them going 70 miles an hour while putting on mascara and traveling less than a car length behind the car in front of them.  I’m sure you’ve seen them driving with their wrist (not the hand but the actual wrist) at the top of the steering wheel while talking on the phone with the other hand.  Occasionally they even master grabbing a cup of coffee while talking on the phone and steering with their legs.  All the while they slowly drift side to side in their lane 20miles an hour slower than the rest of the freeway traffic around them.  Multi tasking is not their strong suit they aren’t that developed yet.

The head and right foot is connected on the Alien.  An Alien can move one without the other also moving.  When they look over their shoulder to check for oncoming traffic before switching lanes they ALWAYS hit their brakes as their necks look over their shoulders while traveling 70 miles an hour causing everyone behind them to freak out and do the same.  I’m sure somewhere behind them there is an accident, it’s like dominos but the Alien will never know.  They merrily go about slowly infiltrating our population assuming no one will ever discover they are here.  Well the gig is up!  They have been found!  They live on arsenic.  I should have known it all makes sense now. 

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2373775,00.asp

Next time you get on the freeway and wonder if the car in front of you is clueless, an idiot, a jerk or just plain rude, take a second and contemplate this new alternative.